Don't Back Up

I was sick this week. Not sniffles-and-aches-so-I'm-slower-at-doing-my-usual-thing sick, but can't-do-anything-but-lay-in-bed-with-stomach-bug sick. I was out of commission at work for a day and a half and unfortunately basically out of commission at home as well. Almost the only reading I got done for about 2 days was my romance novels.

These are my guilty pleasures. They have very little, if any, substance. They don't educate me or stimulate my mind. They are candy for my brain. But, oh! how it is nice to immerse myself in a fantasy world for a little while when the day is done.

This week, as I was sick and felt like I would never rise from my bed a whole person again, I finished one book and started another. The first was about an environmental lawyer and a newly corporate lawyer who fall in love and find redeeming qualities in Corporate America after much cynicism and shady dealings of the corporation. Faith is restored in humanity and a wedding is planned (Sorry if I ruined the book for you...that I don't remember the title of). How perfect was this book for me? I scrounged it out of my grandmother's garage and couldn't believe she had held back on me! ;) I really didn't start out to review this book for you, though. The female protagonist in this book is unsure of herself and young though with quite a bit of spunk. She fears the bad guy though and runs to safety (after flinging hot soup in his face hehe I'm NOT making this up!).

The second book I'm barely into but so far it's about a native Hawaiian woman, pre-white man. She is abducted and taken to England where her white grandmother (her father was an exiled wealthy British man) adopts her. I don't know much more than that yet. However, the girl's reaction to danger struck me. The author makes a point of elucidating the girl's thoughts when she is first confronted by her abductor. I wish I had the book in front of me so I could quote it exactly. The girl is afraid of and intimidated by the man but she makes a conscious decision to not back up when he threatens her. She holds her ground and doesn't show her fear. This is so elemental but it was groundbreaking for me.

When faced with danger, threat, intimidation, she does not back up. The modern day attorney flees danger but the half native girl stands her ground. My instinct when faced with a danger, be it physical, mental or emotional, is to back up...to retreat even if only a step. And maybe I throw my hot soup in the face of my predator to distract so I can beat a hasty retreat. But it never occurs to me that the very thing my metaphorical or even real foe desires is to scare and intimidate me. Now, I realize there is reality and there is a time when it is wise for anyone to run and seek protection. However, I have been thinking lately (as anyone who has read my previous posts knows) about the fear women instinctively harbor. I think part of this power is one we women give...by backing up. I think it's true in physical situations (such as my encounters with people in a well-lit, active park in the middle of the day) and in societal situations (such as the small number of female politicians who are leaders in today's situation). If we don't allow them the ground, the power, they can't have it.

(I must note I do take issue with the fact that the authors of these two books show obvious discrimination not only against women in exploiting this fear but also in the characterization of native people in both books (the first novel involved a Native American male protagonist). Unfortunately, both are common in this genre and especially in older novels (one was printed circa 1970s and the other 90s).)

So I think one of the keys to unlock this puzzle is don't back up. And teach any young girls in your life the same-be they daughters, granddaughters, nieces, cousins, students or friends. I'm not condoning putting them in danger. But I AM condoning teaching them the same thing we teach our boys: You have a right to stand exactly where you are. You have a right to occupy the space you are in (mentally and physically) and you don't have to yield it to someone else because they demand it. Come to think of it, with all the bullying going on and the tragic consequences, maybe we need to teach this to the boys more too! And while we're at it, let's teach ourselves and our youth that it's not acceptable to demand another person yield their personal mental, emotional, or physical space. This world would be a much nicer, and more equal, place if we all learned that elemental lesson.