I've been noticing a trend lately online. It's possible I'm slow to the game. Or that it's just the things I'm reading. Or that it's the phenomenon of noticing those things that are forefront in your mind. But it seems like everyone is on this positive living, happy in the moment, find your inner self, discover your truth, live courageously, be zen kick.
I could say this is all a bunch of hippy new age stuff. But if you know me, that would just make that statement funny...I AM pretty hippy new age!! And, honestly, when I write about it, that is the first thing that comes to mind. But when I come across it and I read about it, I devour the words. My soul soaks it up like crusty bread and that last drop of delicious soup. That light of recognition snaps on and I inwardly perk up my ears. I get where these (mostly) women are coming from. I'm looking for the same stuff.
Ten years ago, I would have said dismissively and arrogantly that these people are just looking for God and they don't know it. But I honestly don't think that. My disillusionment with the religious establishment (that's a whole different post!) aside, I don't believe it's a soul's longing for a Higher Being or a Meaning of Life that's at work here. I'm not positive what it's all about. But I feel it. I feel that longing for more and that inner knowledge that there is more...and I'm going to find it.
For me, my more has whispers of helping others and tinges of succeeding for the sake of succeeding. There's a hint of I'll-show-you-world and a sprinkle of I'm-going-to-be-someone-I'm-proud-of. I want to be the people I admire. And the people I admire are making a positive difference in this world. So even if I never reach my goal and touch the prize, at least maybe I'll have made a positive difference somewhere.
But I know for others, their more is something else. Maybe it's being a mother. Or maybe it's being a teacher. Or a doctor, or a nurse, or an astronaut. Maybe it's running your own business. Maybe it's graduating from high school or college or graduate school. This is what I do know, though: You should go for it. You should do everything in your power to get your more. And while you're at it, live this life to its fullest, drink it to the last drop and live out every other new age hippy philosophy you can get your hands on. I know I'm going to.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Life Lessons From a Country Song and Walt Disney
I just heard a song today that took me back. Songs do that so often for so many of us. This particular song took me back to almost 8 years ago. I was getting divorced from my first husband and had a rare girl's night out with some friends from high school. We went to a local club and this song came on. We all sang at the top of our lungs. Not because it was a new song at the time...it was already 7 years old by then. We sang with it because we were remembering "back in the day" in high school. The ironic part is the song is about nostalgia.
As I listened to the song, though, it took me back to the time at the club singing on the top of my lungs with my girlfriends. I only still talk to one of the girls that was there. She was a dear, dear friend from middle school on. We really only have contact through Facebook now but it's enough that I know generally what's going on in her life and she in mine.
When we were kids, she wanted so desperately to be a marine biologist. She loves animals. And she could have done it and would have been awesome! She is really smart. She is currently teaching pre-k in a small town near where we both grew up. She is married and expecting her first child soon. I'm so happy for her and I know she is happy with her life. But at the same time, I can't help but wonder why she isn't a marine biologist. Is it because her family life required her to take a bigger role in her sisters' lives? Is it because she had a serious relationship at the time she started college so she stayed close to home instead of traveling to a coastal city? Is it because someone along the line discouraged her? I may never know.
And of course, when I wonder all this, I'm not so much wondering about her or her life goals and dreams as my own. I think about why I am where I am now and why I'm not fulfilling what I wanted when I was a child. I'm working on it but there are days I feel like my late start is hopelessly late. I wonder if my commitments to my family of origin and my family will deter me. I wonder if my location and ties to it will stop me. I wonder if someone along the line will dissuade me.
Please don't misunderstand me. I LOVE my family (both of origin and my little family of my husband and 2 children) and don't regret having them in my life at all! But I do wonder if I couldn't have been further in my life path by this point if I had had my head on straighter. And honestly, I think my husband has provided some of the stability and comfort in which I've been able to figure out or remember what I want to do when I grow up.
But on days like today when a song takes me back, I think of the dreams of childhood and wonder how possible they still are. I read a quote on a kitschy plaque this weekend that was a quote from Walt Disney. It said:
And I want to believe it. I've got big dreams, guys. Now to prove I can do it.
I know there have to be so many others like me out there who are just going with the flow in life but have finally realized what they want to do in life. Please find a way to follow your dreams. I'm telling you now that if you can dream it, you can do it!
As I listened to the song, though, it took me back to the time at the club singing on the top of my lungs with my girlfriends. I only still talk to one of the girls that was there. She was a dear, dear friend from middle school on. We really only have contact through Facebook now but it's enough that I know generally what's going on in her life and she in mine.
When we were kids, she wanted so desperately to be a marine biologist. She loves animals. And she could have done it and would have been awesome! She is really smart. She is currently teaching pre-k in a small town near where we both grew up. She is married and expecting her first child soon. I'm so happy for her and I know she is happy with her life. But at the same time, I can't help but wonder why she isn't a marine biologist. Is it because her family life required her to take a bigger role in her sisters' lives? Is it because she had a serious relationship at the time she started college so she stayed close to home instead of traveling to a coastal city? Is it because someone along the line discouraged her? I may never know.
And of course, when I wonder all this, I'm not so much wondering about her or her life goals and dreams as my own. I think about why I am where I am now and why I'm not fulfilling what I wanted when I was a child. I'm working on it but there are days I feel like my late start is hopelessly late. I wonder if my commitments to my family of origin and my family will deter me. I wonder if my location and ties to it will stop me. I wonder if someone along the line will dissuade me.
Please don't misunderstand me. I LOVE my family (both of origin and my little family of my husband and 2 children) and don't regret having them in my life at all! But I do wonder if I couldn't have been further in my life path by this point if I had had my head on straighter. And honestly, I think my husband has provided some of the stability and comfort in which I've been able to figure out or remember what I want to do when I grow up.
But on days like today when a song takes me back, I think of the dreams of childhood and wonder how possible they still are. I read a quote on a kitschy plaque this weekend that was a quote from Walt Disney. It said:
If you can dream it, you can do it.
And I want to believe it. I've got big dreams, guys. Now to prove I can do it.
I know there have to be so many others like me out there who are just going with the flow in life but have finally realized what they want to do in life. Please find a way to follow your dreams. I'm telling you now that if you can dream it, you can do it!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Angry Eyes
I woke up angry today.
After I dragged myself out of my warm bed this morning and settled my son in front of Arthur with a banana, I headed to the bathroom for a shower. While I take my shower, I normally listen to either public radio or Pandora (if you don't know Pandora, go there now...then come back to finish reading this. I don't want you to miss out on Pandora!). This morning, it was Pandora. But my instrumental only station that was on was not going to cut it. So I switched to Alanis Morrisette. I was surprised by me! My Alanis Morrisette Pandora station is my angry station. If I'm mad at the world, or mad at my husband, or mad at my family, or mad about something at my job, or just plain mad, I listen to Alanis.
I have NO idea what I was angry about.
At first, I tried to figure out why on earth I'm angry. I still couldn't tell you. Maybe it was just my precious boy trying to wrestle me before I had even thrown the covers off (he is ALL boy! sheesh!). Maybe it's just that I'm not a morning person (never have been). Maybe I had a bad dream. I have no idea.
I decided it didn't matter why I was angry. I also decided it was a good thing.
Right then and there, as I shampoo'ed my hair, I decided to embrace the anger. Sometimes we all need to get a little angry. As I'm typing this, I'm still listening to the same Pandora station-my angry station. I want to hold on to it today. I don't want to carry a grudge or take it out on anyone. I want to use it in a healthy way. I want to direct it at injustice, at the things I want to change, at the things I need to change, at the things I've been meaning to change. I mean this on a broad scale of wanting to make a difference in the world. I want to change so many injustices, so many times when people are needlessly hurt. I want to make strides toward goals that could help change these large scale injustices. But I also mean this on a personal level. I want to change the bad habits I have. I want to change the way I feel about my physical self but also the condition (health wise) of my physical self. I want to stop procrastinating or being lazy. I want to live every second with purpose. And anger is a powerful motivator for all of this!
So in this season of resolutions, I am angry. I don't want to make a vow or resolution or promise. I just want to be mad. I want to feel this emotion and act on it in a positive way. I want it to be the rocket fuel that propels me forward. I am taking this world on and in the eyes of Mrs. Potato Head on Toy Story 2, "I'm packing [my] angry eyes...just in case!"
After I dragged myself out of my warm bed this morning and settled my son in front of Arthur with a banana, I headed to the bathroom for a shower. While I take my shower, I normally listen to either public radio or Pandora (if you don't know Pandora, go there now...then come back to finish reading this. I don't want you to miss out on Pandora!). This morning, it was Pandora. But my instrumental only station that was on was not going to cut it. So I switched to Alanis Morrisette. I was surprised by me! My Alanis Morrisette Pandora station is my angry station. If I'm mad at the world, or mad at my husband, or mad at my family, or mad about something at my job, or just plain mad, I listen to Alanis.
I have NO idea what I was angry about.
At first, I tried to figure out why on earth I'm angry. I still couldn't tell you. Maybe it was just my precious boy trying to wrestle me before I had even thrown the covers off (he is ALL boy! sheesh!). Maybe it's just that I'm not a morning person (never have been). Maybe I had a bad dream. I have no idea.
I decided it didn't matter why I was angry. I also decided it was a good thing.
Right then and there, as I shampoo'ed my hair, I decided to embrace the anger. Sometimes we all need to get a little angry. As I'm typing this, I'm still listening to the same Pandora station-my angry station. I want to hold on to it today. I don't want to carry a grudge or take it out on anyone. I want to use it in a healthy way. I want to direct it at injustice, at the things I want to change, at the things I need to change, at the things I've been meaning to change. I mean this on a broad scale of wanting to make a difference in the world. I want to change so many injustices, so many times when people are needlessly hurt. I want to make strides toward goals that could help change these large scale injustices. But I also mean this on a personal level. I want to change the bad habits I have. I want to change the way I feel about my physical self but also the condition (health wise) of my physical self. I want to stop procrastinating or being lazy. I want to live every second with purpose. And anger is a powerful motivator for all of this!
So in this season of resolutions, I am angry. I don't want to make a vow or resolution or promise. I just want to be mad. I want to feel this emotion and act on it in a positive way. I want it to be the rocket fuel that propels me forward. I am taking this world on and in the eyes of Mrs. Potato Head on Toy Story 2, "I'm packing [my] angry eyes...just in case!"
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