After I dragged myself out of my warm bed this morning and settled my son in front of Arthur with a banana, I headed to the bathroom for a shower. While I take my shower, I normally listen to either public radio or Pandora (if you don't know Pandora, go there now...then come back to finish reading this. I don't want you to miss out on Pandora!). This morning, it was Pandora. But my instrumental only station that was on was not going to cut it. So I switched to Alanis Morrisette. I was surprised by me! My Alanis Morrisette Pandora station is my angry station. If I'm mad at the world, or mad at my husband, or mad at my family, or mad about something at my job, or just plain mad, I listen to Alanis.
I have NO idea what I was angry about.
At first, I tried to figure out why on earth I'm angry. I still couldn't tell you. Maybe it was just my precious boy trying to wrestle me before I had even thrown the covers off (he is ALL boy! sheesh!). Maybe it's just that I'm not a morning person (never have been). Maybe I had a bad dream. I have no idea.
I decided it didn't matter why I was angry. I also decided it was a good thing.
Right then and there, as I shampoo'ed my hair, I decided to embrace the anger. Sometimes we all need to get a little angry. As I'm typing this, I'm still listening to the same Pandora station-my angry station. I want to hold on to it today. I don't want to carry a grudge or take it out on anyone. I want to use it in a healthy way. I want to direct it at injustice, at the things I want to change, at the things I need to change, at the things I've been meaning to change. I mean this on a broad scale of wanting to make a difference in the world. I want to change so many injustices, so many times when people are needlessly hurt. I want to make strides toward goals that could help change these large scale injustices. But I also mean this on a personal level. I want to change the bad habits I have. I want to change the way I feel about my physical self but also the condition (health wise) of my physical self. I want to stop procrastinating or being lazy. I want to live every second with purpose. And anger is a powerful motivator for all of this!
So in this season of resolutions, I am angry. I don't want to make a vow or resolution or promise. I just want to be mad. I want to feel this emotion and act on it in a positive way. I want it to be the rocket fuel that propels me forward. I am taking this world on and in the eyes of Mrs. Potato Head on Toy Story 2, "I'm packing [my] angry eyes...just in case!"
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