I sat with a group of friends a few nights ago. The three of us chatted over adult beverages and
appetizers. We talked about motherhood, jobs, husbands, fitness, money, the gamut! It struck me more
than once the manner in which we would rail against the injustice of some condition of the modern
woman in one breath and dismiss it as something we must just bear in the other.
appetizers. We talked about motherhood, jobs, husbands, fitness, money, the gamut! It struck me more
than once the manner in which we would rail against the injustice of some condition of the modern
woman in one breath and dismiss it as something we must just bear in the other.
My friend, the fitness instructor, complains nearly every time we talk about her job that the women talk
badly about her. And worse, that every person who enters the gym where she works is so unhappy.
No matter the level of fitness, they all are unhappy with their bodies. She wants to help them feel better
mentally and physically through exercise, but she feels she is only helping them and herself feel more
miserable. Then she sighs, sips her margarita, and moves to the next topic. I’ll confess I wanted to hear
her excitedly tell me about how she has thought of some new techniques to help them love themselves
more. She did not. I don’t know if this is because she fears it won’t be accepted, she does not want to
put in the effort, or that the disappointments and many practical responsibilities of life have rendered her
unable to catch that spark of idealism. I fear it’s the latter. Or maybe I’m just too idealistic. Maybe she's
tried and got stopped short by the trappings of bureaucracy.
badly about her. And worse, that every person who enters the gym where she works is so unhappy.
No matter the level of fitness, they all are unhappy with their bodies. She wants to help them feel better
mentally and physically through exercise, but she feels she is only helping them and herself feel more
miserable. Then she sighs, sips her margarita, and moves to the next topic. I’ll confess I wanted to hear
her excitedly tell me about how she has thought of some new techniques to help them love themselves
more. She did not. I don’t know if this is because she fears it won’t be accepted, she does not want to
put in the effort, or that the disappointments and many practical responsibilities of life have rendered her
unable to catch that spark of idealism. I fear it’s the latter. Or maybe I’m just too idealistic. Maybe she's
tried and got stopped short by the trappings of bureaucracy.
These two same friends live feminism in a way that I find both intriguing and inspirational. They choose
whether they work outside the home or not, and financial considerations are not their only motivations.
They are both great moms that don’t parent by the rule book. And, though they’re great friends, they
aren’t afraid to disagree or criticize each other. In a few weeks, they will embark on a 5 week camping
trip with their respective children. Their husbands will join them for portions of the adventure, but they will
do most of it without them. We are not talking campers and hotel back-up plans, either. They have
reserved campsites, sealed tents (I don’t even know how one seam seals a tent!), and even planned
sleeping arrangements within their vehicles for the long drives. Accompanying these moms are SIX
children ages ranging from 5 to 10!
whether they work outside the home or not, and financial considerations are not their only motivations.
They are both great moms that don’t parent by the rule book. And, though they’re great friends, they
aren’t afraid to disagree or criticize each other. In a few weeks, they will embark on a 5 week camping
trip with their respective children. Their husbands will join them for portions of the adventure, but they will
do most of it without them. We are not talking campers and hotel back-up plans, either. They have
reserved campsites, sealed tents (I don’t even know how one seam seals a tent!), and even planned
sleeping arrangements within their vehicles for the long drives. Accompanying these moms are SIX
children ages ranging from 5 to 10!
Once they were on a smaller camping trip and had a flat tire. They fixed it themselves (I think AAA might
have been involved), but were asked many questions along the way about how they were able to do so. Not just
questions about the tire; questions about how they were camping without their men! This is one of the
most poignant and personal expressions of feminism I’ve ever encountered.
have been involved), but were asked many questions along the way about how they were able to do so. Not just
questions about the tire; questions about how they were camping without their men! This is one of the
most poignant and personal expressions of feminism I’ve ever encountered.
Shouldn’t feminism be personal? Few people would suggest that everyone should have the exact same
job for exactly the same pay, wear exactly the same clothes, or otherwise live cloned lives. Yet too many
times, that’s what feminism becomes. We must all work outside the home and become executives. We
must all dress modestly or dress immodestly (depending on which message we’re sending this month).
I am not suggesting that these are not noble efforts to gain awareness and equality. I am instead
suggesting that we personalize feminism.
job for exactly the same pay, wear exactly the same clothes, or otherwise live cloned lives. Yet too many
times, that’s what feminism becomes. We must all work outside the home and become executives. We
must all dress modestly or dress immodestly (depending on which message we’re sending this month).
I am not suggesting that these are not noble efforts to gain awareness and equality. I am instead
suggesting that we personalize feminism.
Feminism and the fight for women’s rights has been compared to and linked with the civil rights struggle
of people of color in this nation. What is the story most told about the civil rights movement? What really
grabbed the attention of the nation and our history books? Rosa Parks on the bus. Or a random person
being denied a seat at a lunch counter. Were these the greatest issues facing people of color in the
South in the 1960s? I dare say not! Of course we are aware of voting rights, lynchings, disappearances,
and other travesties, but it is so often boiled down to the very personal experiences of eating, drinking,
sitting on a bus, and using a toilet.
of people of color in this nation. What is the story most told about the civil rights movement? What really
grabbed the attention of the nation and our history books? Rosa Parks on the bus. Or a random person
being denied a seat at a lunch counter. Were these the greatest issues facing people of color in the
South in the 1960s? I dare say not! Of course we are aware of voting rights, lynchings, disappearances,
and other travesties, but it is so often boiled down to the very personal experiences of eating, drinking,
sitting on a bus, and using a toilet.
How can we apply that to feminism? Let’s start talking about what feminism means to each one of us.
Not in a pedantic way that suggests what works for one woman works for all women. Let’s share our
experiences and how we overcame our internal fears. Let’s share the times that we have felt
persecuted and how we moved past it.
Not in a pedantic way that suggests what works for one woman works for all women. Let’s share our
experiences and how we overcame our internal fears. Let’s share the times that we have felt
persecuted and how we moved past it.
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